SAYING NO TO KIDS AND TEENS IS A GOOD THING

As a father of 13-year-old teenage twins (boy and girl) my wife and I have raised our kids to respect us as their parents.   As a stay at home father from age birth to four and from seven to ten, I have been able to play a significant role in the rearing of my children.  This has enabled me to influence their lives in ways that have produced well rounded, empathetic kids.  This is a result of them learning the word NO at an early age. 

A large number of caregivers (mothers, nannies, psychologists,) believe the word NO is detrimental and kids should be given the option of being heard and given a choice of how a problem should be solved (permissive parenting).  My response to that nonsense is NO.  I am not your friend; I am friendly to you. I heard the word NO often:  THIS IS MY ROOM, I DESERVE PRIVACY (to a certain extent). My mother reminded me that she owns this house, sets the rules and is graciously letting me live in it “rent free.”  I CAN STAY OUT AFTER CURFEW SINCE I AM ONLY AROUND THE CORNER.  My mother said you are my responsibility until eighteen and you have a curfew at 11 pm.  In my hometown, parents could spend the night in jail for a curfew violation.  My mother said if that ever happened, they better keep her in that jail cell as my life as I knew it may end.
Kids are disrespectful not only to their parents but to other adults.  I was at a coffee shop adding cream and sugar when a young girl reached over my open cup (she never said excuse me or please pass the sugar).  I said, “Don’t reach over my food.”  The girl said, “I can do what I want.” I said, “NO you can’t.” Her mother said, “don’t talk to my daughter like that.”  My reply, “teach her the word NO or I will happily do it for you.”  This is a perfect example of a kid never being told NO in response to bad behavior.  I heard the word NO often and am a better adult for it.  Do you agree?
Many kids and teens are being raised in such a manner that they believe AND ARE GIVEN more power in the parent/child relationship than the actual parents.  Backtalk, disrespect and absolutely no manners seems to be the norm.  Sadly, we are raising another generation of kids who only look to their parents as chauffeurs and banks.  It’s never too late to change the behavior.  I have a few suggestions and would love to share them with like-minded parents.
Discussion question: Do you use the word NO when disciplining or raising your kids?   Has it helped or hindered your relationship with your child?

Michael Gayden
www.twinmg.com
info@twinmg.com